| Columbus Clingstones
| 150
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Posted 2025 June 8
Apparently it's a type of peach. That's not what I thought of when I
first heard the name "Clingstones". The first thing I thought
was...well, let's just say there's a part of my brain that never matured
beyond junior high school, add that the specific part of my brain that
never matured beyond junior high school is "most of it", and leave it at
that. For the record, it's not a variety of peach, but rather a
category. Varieties (I think the technical term is cultivar,
which frankly sounds more like a sci-fi villain than a botany term)
where the flesh tends to stick to the pit are—
Sorry, the junior-high portion of my brain just kicked in again. Flesh
sticking to the pit. Jesus.
Anyway, cultivars where the flesh tends to stick to the pit are called
clingstones, and cultivars where the flesh easily separates from the pit
are called freestones, and there goes my junior-high brain again. And I
haven't even gotten to the concept of (and I swear to you these are
actual terms) shaved peaches and fuzzy peaches yet. Oh, man, this is
hopeless, isn't it?
Okay, let's move on to the logo and
see if we can't grow up a little.
Oh. Oh, shit. I just got a look at the cap insignia. Look to the
right. Do you see it? Does it remind you of anything?
And I also just learned their mascot's name is "Fuzzy".
They did all this on purpose, didn't they? They had to. They just
had to. There's no way all this is accidental.
I give up.
Final Score: 150 points.
Penalties: Alliteration, 5 pts; Equipment (the baseball in the background), 13 pts;
Humanoid, 30 pts; Cartoon, 47 pts; Player, 51 pts; Name, 10 pts.
Bonuses: Local, -6 pts..
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