Allen Americans

17

Here we go again.

One of the first teams I reviewed was the Rochester Americans. They were, to be precise, the thirteenth team I reviewed, although thanks to various teams folding or moving or just switching logos, their review is now the sixth-oldest on the site. In that review, I pointed out the various reasons why "Rochester Americans" is a stupid name. There were two main reasons. One, their name was the same as the league (the Rochester Americans play in the American Hockey League). Two, nearly three quarters of the Rochester Americans were not, in fact, American.

The roster for the Allen Americans is pretty much identical: five out of nineteen players are American, meaning that nearly three quarters are not. At least it's not a repeat of the league name this time. There are few names that would be worse than "Allen Americans", but "Allen Centrals" just may be one of the select few. On the other hand, there's a really lame, forced pun in the name "Allen Americans" (remove the "en" from the city name if you don't get it) that "Allen Centrals" would lack. So I let me revise that sentence slightly: There are few names that would be worse than "Allen Americans", but "Allen Centrals" may be one of the select few...emphasis on the word "may".

Then there's the logo. It has some nice things going on (well, one nice thing going on), but all in all it's a yawner. I do like the star made into a letter "A". But like the Rochester Americans, they have a shield in the background. Can someone explain that to me? I've lived my entire life in America, and I know several symbols for my country. There's the star. The eagle. Uncle Sam. But a shield? How did I miss that one for the nearly four decades I've been alive? I've never heard of a shield representing America, yet here's a second team called the "Americans" who thinks a shield is an integral part of symbolising America. Does this somehow relate to Captain America? And isn't his shield round? Then again, his has concentric circles on it. I can see how a hockey team would want to avoid that. There's no need to give the other teams' enforcers any ideas.

The other problem with the shield is that it makes the whole logo too symmetrical. The only things that break this up in the slightest are the puck at the bottom and the name at the top of the shield. The name, shaped as it is, doesn't make the the logo look asymmetrical so much as just lopsided (they should have made the red star white and/or made the top of the shield horizontal instead of curved). As for the puck, that just does what every puck with little "action lines" behind it does: it looks silly.

And while I'm at it, how many freaking stars are they going to throw into this logo, anyway? The star-shaped "A" is, like I said, neat. The others are just distracting. There's no reason to have three stars in the logo in any case. One star works. Thirteen stars would work (although it would be weird when the team isn't in one of the original thirteen states). Fifty stars, if you could fit them in, would be neat. Three stars? Does not work.

Oh, and one last thing: You could make an argument that these stars, rather than being a riff on the American flag, are instead a riff on the Texas flag. That gives me an excuse to throw a few more points at this logo. Is that fair? No...but you're not really naïve enough to still believe I value fairness highly when scoring these teams, do you? If you are, then the scoring for this team will surprise you. But it shouldn't. Just looking at this logo will tell you that it deserves more than 11 points, which is all it will get if I don't do something. It deserves more than 17 points, which is all it will get if I do do something. But I can only bend the rules so much, so 17 will have to do.

Final Score: 17 points.
Penalties: Alliteration, 2 pts; Name-Logo, 2 pts; Equip-Logo, 5 pts; State (egregious), 6 pts; Ripoff, 4 pts.
Bonuses: None.